Happy
It has been easy the last few weeks to passively go through the MUNDANE days without looking for LOVE. It is summer. I am busy preparing for one of the biggest moments in my life thus far. People are gone. We are travelling. One could even say "it's too busy" right now to look for LOVE because the MUNDANE is truly boring. Ironic that the last story on this page started with a similar sentiment: "It's easy …" But these are the moments that we need LOVE the most, where I need LOVE in the MUNDANE the most.
Bowling. I do not have a particular proclivity for bowling but I do not hate it. I honestly like Wii bowling way more (I have no reason why). My love definitely is not a fan, likely because he thinks he isn't good. I get that. It is hard to like something when you feel like you constantly fail. And that is what this was: attempting to be present and draw new connection with friends when we've felt like we've been failing. Nothing could be more boring or MUNDANE than that.
I was not particularly looking forward to this event but some point in the week leading up to this event something shifted in me. I was excited. I thought it actually might be fun like Wii bowling. Nothing dramatic happened to shift how I felt. Nothing out of the ordinary, that is. I am not sure why but something about my daily journal routine during the week shifted my mood.
I was asking myself a rather typical question for me: Who am I? And I was journaling whatever came to mind. One thing I wrote down was "find some place to play volleyball." I played volleyball and softball in high school, and I LOVEd it! I had opportunities to play in college or to put myself out there to get recruited but I always turned away. I amount all of this to a shift in where I saw my life going, and most of the time I am glad for the decision to not play collegiately. But that does not change the fact that I LOVE those sports. I miss playing those sports. I miss my teams, the jerseys, the shoes, everything. I miss it so much my heart aches at times. Maybe you know this feeling too.
My heart also aches for them because they make me feel like … me. Playing either one, as a competitor and a LOVEr of the sports, anchors me to something that is at the core of who I am. I do not know what that is or how to describe it, but it does. Often when I feel ungrounded and lost in answering the question "who am I?" I find myself picturing the clay of a softball field or dirty floor of a gym.
Bowling. The game was under way and we were all taking turns rolling the ball down the lane. None of us are particularly spectacular at bowling which makes it even more fun since we can laugh at our gutter balls and cheer loudly for our strikes. My last turn was up and right as I picked up a ball the song "Happy" by Pharrell Williams came on. I get so distracted by songs that I like. But this song was more than distracting. It felt like an answer from the Divine in the universe because this was my song from when I played high school softball. We all chose a song to "walk up to" when we batted, and "Happy" was mine. In one moment as I rolled the ball down the lane I forgot my motion, I forgot to roll straight, I forgot my friends were there, I forgot we were leaving soon, and I was just … happy. I felt like my high school self, smiling as I walked up to bat, and in that very moment my feet started dancing to the beat of the song. I started dancing and humming in the bowling lane.
It was like something shifted in me and I could suddenly feel the ground beneath my feet. Or like I could answer the question in my journal. I suddenly remembered I picked this song because it was who people said I was. I remembered I picked this song because it embodied who I wanted to be. I remembered I picked this song because no matter how tough a game was it made me feel … genuinely happy.
This is such a small thing and I know no one else noticed. But I did. A MUNDANE bowling alley played a song and it changed everything. It didn't answer with words who I was nor did it create more connection with my friends. But it did create more connection to myself and it reminded me of what it felt like to be me, at my very core. And that was what I needed to see the power of the MUNDANE to create LOVE in everything. I just needed to listen.
Can you hear it? Clap along!
